time really does fly.

And I am so sick of it.
I know. I'm supposed to be all mature and over it. I'm 23. Today. I seriously just got used to being...not 21 anymore. Most days I genuinely feel 19. But no, I'm 23 years old. That is a lot of years.

I'm terrified....no, I need a word that is worse then terrified.. terrorized? scared stiff? Well, I'm petrified that my life will turn out to be many boring years strung together full of unattained goals. I love setting goals. I'm actually quite addicted to it. But goals, by definition are targets and objectives. They are work. I don't like doing the work. I just like thinking about what my life would be like if I were to accomplish that goal. How pathetic, right?

So, next thing you know, here I lay on my 23rd birthday - once again telling myself that this would be a great day to start blogging again. Empty words. Meaningless thoughts.

I close my eyes. I try and focus on all the reasons that I want to "blog". There are a lot. They make me happy. The thought of doing something consistently makes me happy. Doing something for no reason other then wanting to do it. I open my eyes.

I can do this. I can do anything. I have been blessed with a life surrounded by people who help me to see that. I wasn't born with an innate sense of endless possibilities for myself. But God made sure that I was surrounded by people who did. So, I owe it to them, and to him - and heck- to myself to do it. Because I can. Because I want to.

Plus, coming back around to feeling like time flies by - blogging is like pausing time. Stealing those moments and keeping them forever (much like another passion of mine....hmmmm). I'd love to know what I was thinking and feeling 10 years ago... so 10 years from now, I'm sure I will find all this meaningless banter endlessly entertaining.

So, I'm going to try. And we'll see what happens. I've got a couple other goals up my sleeve. I'm not gonna write about 'em just yet- but, once I'm feeling more confident and successful about the whole thing, maybe I will.